Just being a terribly real thing in a terribly false world

There comes a time in your life when you stop searching for every piece of acceptance in people you know, care about or love. You stop giving and start taking. You stop trying to please people. You stop trying to make sense of everything and you stop trying to explain yourself to everyone. You stop feeling useless shit and start doing useful shit. You start being a terribly real thing in a terribly false world. You stop being in so much pain. You start doing whatever the hell it takes to be happy and comfortable with yourself. You stop giving everyone else the power to fuck you up. You stop following that batshit crazy crowd and start walking alone. You stop burning yourself to give others light and start being your own light, your own sunshine. You stop being everyone else’s anchor and you start saving yourself.  You stop running and you start flying. 

You wake up one day and decide you don’t want to feel like this or that anymore, or ever again. So you change. Just like that. You stop giving a fuck. You stop feeling guilty. You stop being embarrassed. You stop getting angry. You stop feeling anxious. You stop feeling immobilized. And then it happens…and what happens? What happens is art, as if sprinkled by magic fuck-giving fairy dust, you stop hating yourself for feeling bad.

Most of our struggles throughout our lives are born from giving a fuck, or too many fucks, in situations where fucks don’t deserve to be given. We give too many fucks about the rude gas station attendant who didn’t vie the right change back. We give to many fucks when our mom gossips about our mistakes with some relative, or neighbor or some non-important human being. We give to many fucks when feeling embarrassed about taking pills or seeing a therapist. We give too many fucks about giving a fuck.

Not giving a fuck is art. And though the concept may sound ridiculous, what I’m talking about here is essentially learning how to focus and prioritize your thoughts effectively, and this is incredibly difficult. But it’s worth a shot, don’t you think?

by Ioana Moldovan

Publicat de Ioana Moldovan

25 year old, born in Arad, Romania. I have always been an artisitc person, played the piano for 10 years, at times used to draw and write dark and twisted poetry, but found my passion for painting 2 years ago. I have sound-to-color synesthesia, more specifically chromesthesia, a "condition" that it's almost like a dream come true. For me, listening to a song feels like a trip on acid, every sound has its own color and shape and one day I decided why not paint the songs I love and also, at the same time, explain what's going on in my brain. So I started painting every song that had an impact on me throughout these years. But poetry and writing are still, and will be, my all time passion.

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